The Life You Chose Years Ago Doesn't Have to Become a Life Sentence

There is a particular kind of discomfort that can be hard to explain. Your life looks fine from the outside. You worked for what you have. You may even remember how badly you once wanted it. Yet something about your days no longer feels like it belongs to you.

That feeling can bring guilt with it. If you chose this path, what right do you have to question it now?

A choice can be right when you make it and still deserve a fresh look years later. You have lived more life since then. Your responsibilities, values and understanding of yourself may have changed. Recognizing that change does not erase the thought and effort that went into your earlier decision.

Jackie Cote knows what it means to build a life around a long-standing role. She spent 30 years in the restaurant industry. She loved parts of that work, especially mentoring people and helping them grow. When she began exploring coaching, she discovered a way to bring those strengths into a business of her own. Then she was fired from what became her final restaurant job.

A friend later challenged Jackie when she described herself as new to coaching. Jackie had been teaching, leading and supporting people since she was young, the friend pointed out. The setting had changed, but much of what Jackie brought to the work had been there all along.

That distinction matters when we think about changing direction. Leaving a role may mean losing its routines, security or familiar name. It does not mean leaving every skill, relationship or hard-earned lesson behind. Sometimes you carry more of yourself forward than you can see while you are standing in the middle of the change.

During our conversation, Jackie recalled a client wrestling with a different kind of uncertainty:

> “Like, you know, my one client said, but I chose this thirty year government career because it's ⁓ you know, it's it's it was my dream at the time. And I was like, We change. We're different humans, we're different souls.”

The phrase “at the time” stays with me. It gives the original choice the respect it deserves. The client had a dream, made a decision and built a life around it. None of that becomes foolish because the person living that life has grown.

Still, there is a real cost to changing course, and it deserves an honest look. Jackie spoke about the money she invested while building her business and the worry she felt when income did not arrive as quickly as bills did. She also made room for a choice that people sometimes treat unfairly: returning to a job. In her view, taking a job can be the right decision for someone, including someone who has already tried entrepreneurship.

I appreciated how firmly she pushed back against the shame people attach to that decision. A person might move from a job into a business, into a different job or into work with more flexibility. Each route can reflect serious thought about what matters. There is no single move that proves someone has been brave.

Changing direction can also mean staying where you are for now, but doing so more consciously. You might identify what has changed, speak with someone who can help you see your situation clearly, or explore an option before making a major commitment. Jackie offered a useful image: when you are inside a jar, you cannot read its label. Another person may help you see what is difficult to recognize from within your own life.

That conversation could be with a coach, a trusted friend or someone who understands the practical realities of your situation. Its value lies in helping you examine your choices, not handing over the authority to make them. As Jackie said of her own coaching, she wants to help people see what is already inside them.

Of course, awareness can be uncomfortable. Once you admit that something no longer fits, you may need to consider finances, family obligations, identity and the opinions of people who have known you in one role for years. You may also grieve parts of the life you are considering changing. Jackie loved aspects of restaurant work. Caring about that chapter did not require her to remain in it forever.

It may help to ask a more precise question than “Should I leave?” What, exactly, no longer fits? Is it the work itself, the schedule, the environment or the version of success you have been pursuing? What would you want to carry into your next chapter? What support or preparation would make a change possible?

The answers might lead to a new career. They might lead to a smaller adjustment or a decision to stay while you build options. They may take time. What matters is giving your present self a voice in a life shaped by choices your past self made.

I keep returning to the grace in Jackie’s observation: we change. We can be grateful for a choice, acknowledge what it gave us and still ask whether it serves the life we want to live now. The next step does not have to disown the last one.

Hear my full conversation with Jackie Cote on The Audacious Living Podcast.