Episode #696 Intentional Living: Giving Yourself Permission to Be — Todd Malloy
“I help people give themselves permission to be.”
Todd Malloy, Psychotherapist and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
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Intentional living sometimes begins with one uncomfortable realization: the life you learned to live may no longer fit.
Episode Summary
How much of the life you're living today did you actually choose?
That question sits quietly underneath my conversation with psychotherapist Todd Malloy.
Todd grew up taking on adult responsibility far too early. His father left when he was five, and Todd became what therapists describe as a “parentified child,” learning responsibility, survival and self-reliance before he was emotionally prepared for them.
Those lessons helped him survive. They also followed him.
That distinction became one of the most fascinating parts of our conversation. Sometimes the behaviours that helped us through one chapter become baggage in the next.
Todd's answer isn't to reject where we came from. It's to examine it.
What narratives are still running in the background? What definition of success did someone else hand you? What are you carrying simply because you've carried it for years?
Todd knows something about asking those questions. He spent years succeeding as an engineer while knowing internally that it wasn't the life he wanted. At 42, he finally gave himself permission to pursue the calling he'd carried much earlier: becoming a therapist.
This is a conversation about intentional living, but perhaps even more, it's about reclamation.
Not becoming somebody new.
Becoming more fully yourself.
4 Key Takeaways
Some Survival Skills Have an Expiration Date
Growing up quickly can make you capable, dependable and resilient. It can also train you to remain constantly alert, put everyone else first and carry responsibilities that are no longer yours. Todd describes recognizing that he was still operating at a pace designed for an earlier version of his life. Growth sometimes means appreciating what helped you survive while recognizing you no longer need to live there.
Your Narrative Is Not Automatically Your Truth
We inherit ideas about success, relationships, identity and even who we're supposed to be. Todd challenges people to examine the narrative underneath those beliefs because a story that constantly leaves you feeling defeated may not actually belong to you. His point is powerful: growing older doesn't automatically update our internal operating system. Sometimes we have to deliberately rewrite it.
Give Yourself Permission Before Someone Else Does
Todd originally wanted to become a therapist. He chose engineering partly because he didn't see therapists who looked like him and couldn't imagine how he'd afford the schooling. He succeeded professionally, earned awards and patents, yet knew something was missing. At 42, he finally gave himself permission to pursue what had been inside him all along.
The Bridge May Appear After You Move
One of Todd's strongest metaphors comes from his own career transition. He couldn't see a bridge between engineering and therapy. Eventually he realized that perhaps the bridge wasn't supposed to appear first. In his words, the plank shows up when he takes the step and puts his foot down. That changes uncertainty from something we must eliminate into something we can move through.
Meet Our Guest
Todd Malloy is a psychotherapist, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, certified sex therapist and certified sexuality educator whose work centres on helping people understand themselves more deeply and live with greater intentionality. He describes his role simply and powerfully: helping people give themselves permission to become who they already are on the inside.
His perspective is also deeply personal. Todd grew up in a single-parent household, took on significant responsibility as a child, built a successful career in engineering, later served as a senior pastor, and eventually returned to the calling that had interested him much earlier in life: therapy.
That combination of lived experience and professional practice gives this conversation an unusual depth. Todd isn't simply discussing reinvention. He's lived several versions of it.
Additional Resources
Related Blog Post:
“Why Self-Awareness Is the First Step to Living an Audacious Life”
Explore how understanding your internal narrative can unlock bold, intentional living.
Personal Insights
This conversation really reinforced how powerful our internal narratives are. What stood out most to me is how often we operate on autopilot without questioning where those beliefs came from. Once you slow down and become aware, everything starts to shift.
Best Point of Contact for Listeners
Todd specifically identifies his website as the place where listeners can find his social channels and connect with him personally.
LISTEN TO THE AUDACIOUS LIVING PODCAST
If this conversation has you questioning a few old stories of your own, listen to the complete episode with Todd Malloy.
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