“Forgiveness doesn't take away the consequences. There's still consequences.”
— Sandra McQuade
Contributing Author, When We Forgive
Can you forgive someone without letting them back into your life? In this conversation from The Audacity to Forgive series, Sandra McQuade explores compassion, boundaries and what it means to stop carrying the past into every new experience.
Episode Summary
Sandra McQuade joins Audley to explore forgiveness through the story of a mother she loved and a childhood shaped by instability, loss and alcohol-related struggles. Her contribution to the anthology When We Forgive, titled “The Widow,” revisits those experiences through the perspective of her younger self.
Sandra describes recognizing her mother’s suffering before she had the language to explain it. That early compassion did not erase what she missed or the consequences she continued to navigate as an adult. It became part of a longer process of understanding her mother, acknowledging her own experience and treating herself with greater kindness.
Together, Sandra and Audley examine a distinction that runs throughout the conversation: forgiving someone does not necessarily mean restoring the relationship. Boundaries and consequences can remain. They also discuss self-forgiveness, the weight of resentment and how writing can create space to notice feelings and patterns.
Audley brings his own experience of reconnecting with his father into the discussion, reflecting on what he learned from both his father’s absence and his return.
Listen for a thoughtful conversation about making room for understanding while remaining honest about what happened and what you need moving forward.
Key Takeaways
Forgiveness and reconciliation are different decisions. Forgiving someone does not require continuing the relationship or accepting repeated harmful behaviour.
Understanding can coexist with acknowledging harm. Recognizing another person’s circumstances does not erase the consequences of their actions.
Self-compassion belongs in the conversation. Sandra encourages looking at past choices with attention to what you knew and the circumstances you faced.
Writing can offer room for reflection. Journaling gave Sandra a way to express her experience, examine feelings and better understand her own perspective.
Meet the Guest
Sandra McQuade is a visual artist and contributing author to When We Forgive: Stories of Hurt, Healing & Everything in Between. Her story, “The Widow,” explores her relationship with her mother and the compassion that developed alongside difficult childhood experiences.
In her art practice, Sandra works with acrylics and continues developing her work through classes, mentorship and creative communities. She also serves as a coach and artistic director for Awakening to Harmonious Integration, contributing artwork to a program concerned with personal understanding and growth.
In this conversation, Sandra speaks from lived experience rather than offering a formula for forgiveness. She reflects on motherhood, self-compassion, boundaries and the experience of putting a deeply personal story into words.
Audacious Insight
Blog Post Title: Forgiveness Is for You, Not for Them
Special Offer
When We Forgive: Stories of Hurt, Healing & Everything in Between brings together fifteen personal stories exploring forgiveness of others, forgiveness of ourselves and the wish to be forgiven. Sandra’s contribution, “The Widow,” provides the starting point for this episode’s conversation.
Explore When We Forgive at Life to Paper Publishing.
Audley’s Personal Insight
When Sandra talked about learning from experiences we would never have chosen, I thought about my father. He was absent for most of my upbringing, and he returned when I was a father myself. His absence taught me how present I wanted to be for my own children. His return taught me that it is not necessarily too late to come back.
That connects with the distinction we explored here. Reconciliation is something we do together. Forgiveness is something I can choose for myself. The relationship may continue, or it may not. Making that distinction gives us room to think honestly about both peace and boundaries.
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